Hello my loves.

I hope everyone is having a good week. I really feel like time has been flying lately!

I however am very excited for this weekend as we are going to Payson to help Matt’s parents move.  Matt’s parents moved to Arizona from Indiana shortly after we did.  Matt’s mom had gotten a job out here and even though they were still 4 hours away it was soooo much better than 2000 miles away!  But now they are moving to Payson for a new job which is actually only about a little over a hour away from us so now they will be even closer!! And the town is just gorgeous and actually gets 4 seasons!  Lucky them!

Source

But going on a trip also means I have to fight my ED and the fact that I may need to go out to eat and eat foods outside of my comfort zone.  I’ve been kind of getting use to eating only my safe foods at home, so I thought this would actually be really good for me.  My nutritionist is really pushing me to fight back because I think she noticed my trend as well.  I am still gaining which is good, but either not as fast as she wants or not by the foods she wants.  Just the whole gaining weight has really been doing a number on me emotionally.  I’m just not comfortable in my body right now.

But I try to stay positive and know that this is all for the best, and my health is the most important thing.  I just want to get to that mentally healthy part too.

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On to some eats.  I always get excited when I get to have one of these.

oiaj! oh yes. with my second jar of nuttzo peanut butter.

I can not get enough of my little spoon either! I seriously love eating with it!

topped with banana slices, maple crunch cereal and a dab of justin's honey peanut butter. who says you can't combine two brands!

I seriously have a problem with how much I love peanut butter. whyyy peanut butter are you so tasty!

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Lunch was a bit of the norm.

panini, oven roasted veggies and a side of tomato soup and ketchup for dippings!

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And on to the new challenges.  I kind of got in trouble for not eating enough fats.  My nutritionist basically told me I was eating too healthy and eating “eating disordered food”.  That’s one hard thing about my recovery is, I am a healthy eater, but now it’s viewed as “eating disordered” because I am eating too healthy.  Well if that is the case a lot of people have eating disorders.  Granted, and especially after joining the food blog community, I do think a lot of people hide some of their eating habits behind the excuse of leading a “clean healthy life” when I really think weight loss and control is part of a deeper picture.  But that’s a can of worms I really don’t want to open.

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But I decided to challenge myself on eating more fats and scaring my ED.  Matt and I use to frequent Jimmy Johns often, on the vegetarian sub comes mayo and avocado spread.  Now during my ED days, well earlier ones, if I even let myself go to Jimmy Johns, I would get my sandwich as a lettuce wrap, no mayo and light on the avocado spread.  Seriously?  Why even get the sandwich.  So today, I told myself I was getting my normal order. Bread, mayo, avocado spread. And you know what? It was delicious.

Cheers to a great lunch date!

yea matt and i like to cheers with our sandwiches, but we were trying to make this as fun as possible for me.

I felt pretty accomplished because I ate the whole sandwich! But I’m not going to lie, I kind of had a freak out afterwards.  I just felt so bloated and let myself think about what I just ate.  I had a good cry, but thankfully I had this guy there to talk some sense into me.

thank god for matt sometimes. he's been a real trooper in letting me vent/cry/yell. and he's always there when i need a hug.

So today I feel like was a accomplishment for me.  Although I did have an episode after lunch the fact that I made the effort to scare my ED and to take a step getting back to a normal eating experience.  I’m beginning to learn these experiences aren’t about the actual food, it’s about scaring and challenging my ED.  And trust me, he was talking loud today.  We’ll see how talkative he is this weekend.  I have a feeling he is going to be very chatty.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend

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No questions I hope everyone just has a great weekend and I want to thank everyone for listening to my rants and raves and all the support you have given me.

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