Hello my loves!

♥ ♥ ♥

What, me posting on the weekend? Crazy I know. The girl I work with on Saturday’s had a family emergency and I am basically waiting around for a phone call for when/if I need to go in. Kind of nice having the morning “off” but kind of stinks not knowing when I’m going to get called to go in. So I’m kind of stuck in the house.  Which on a positive note I finished my project for class and now I have time to write a lovely post.

♥ ♥ ♥

There actually has been something on my mind I wanted to chat about, so I thought what a better time.

It’s been awhile since I have updated on everyone on my status in my eating disorder recovery. I have been so busy with school and work, it kind of gets put on the back burner. In writing about it and in real life. I have been told multiple times that “I am stuck”.  I am still at a point where I need to gain, I need to challenge myself, but it just hasn’t been happening. I have basically found a new “safe zone”. Now does this mean I am not making progress? No, absolutely not. I have come incredibly far since the beginning.

But one of my new challenges and something I wanted to acknowledge are “safe foods”.  It’s a classic sign of an eating disorder and it’s one of the trickiest.

♥ ♥ ♥

We all eat what we think tastes good, but one of the down falls with eating disorders is it tells us what to like and what not to like and convinces us that we are making these decisions on our own.

It’s kind of hard for me to actually admit that, because I am a full believer I would not eat something that I didn’t enjoy. And I don’t. The point is there are other things that I do/might enjoy that I do not eat for one reason or another. “not healthy” “too many calories” “too processed” “too high in sugar”

I mean you could make a million excuses on why you choose not to eat something.

But sometimes you have to think about why you really aren’t eating it.

♥ ♥ ♥

For example. I really like sweet potatoes. And I like making my sweet potatoes sweet.

Yes, I did enjoy this meal, but would I have enjoyed say a regular baked potato with sour cream and cheese? Maybe some chili on top? Yes, it probably would have tasted good, but I decided to choose a lower calorie choice of adding cottage cheese and PB2 as my toppings instead.

♥ ♥ ♥

See what I mean? I did enjoy this meal. It did taste good, but so would have other options. I resorted to my safe foods.

♥ ♥ ♥

As much as I hate to say this, another example are my powercakes. (this is no way means I’m going to stop eating them, because I freaking love them)

But let’s look at it.

Egg whites. Super low calorie. Super low fat.

I will give myself credit though in terms of having a full complete breakfast. Yes this is a lower calorie option, but I make sure to accompany it with fruit and some sort of carb. The point is of almost all food groups, I choose the lower calorie option. But I won’t ignore the progress of my health I know I need to keep.

♥ ♥ ♥

Spaghetti squash instead of real pasta?

Yes again, I like the way spaghetti squash tastes, I also use to really like to eat pasta. But let’s be real. Carbs scare eating disorders.

♥ ♥ ♥

So in conclusion? The whole point behind me challenging my safe foods isn’t completely cutting them out of my diet, but it’s to eat other foods, scary foods. My first reaction was, “well I don’t want to eat a bunch of pre-packaged crap” and what I am continuously told is, they are not telling me I have to eat that food every night, but if I do happen to have it once in awhile, it’s to be ok with it. Which is definitely something I struggle with. I kind of hate how people call these days “cheat days”. You’re not cheating. You’re eating what you like, and if it happens to be a frozen pizza one night, then ok, it’s a frozen pizza. And it’s one night. And if people judge you on that, forget them.

Katie made an awesome Instragram post about wanting the new Burger King treats. And the fact that people even acknowledged that it was “ok” “for her to “give in” or “indulge” or “they know she doesn’t always eat that way“. Who cares if she did? I mean, would she still not be the sweetest person ever if she did have a Burger King item everyday? Pretty sure she would still be the amazing person she is today. (love you girl!) Why do we have to judge what others eat? And how does that define who they are as a person? It doesn’t.

♥ ♥ ♥

So my point in all this. Yes, I still struggle, but I am working on it. Working on accepting food for what it is. Food. Fuel. Life. And I need to be ok with eating outside my “safe foods“.

And I think I got a pretty good start last night. I mean a whole lot of this happened.

And I mean a whole lot. And I didn’t think twice about it.

I mean. I was with this guy and everything, so how could I care.

♥ ♥ ♥

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Enjoy life.

♥ ♥ ♥

Do you think you have safe foods?