it’s time to say goodbye.
Note: This post has been sitting, waiting to be posted for over 3 weeks now. I finally think it’s time to share.
♥ ♥ ♥
This post is hard to write.
I like to keep things light and happy around here, and even though I am very open about my eating disorder, I try not to focus too much on it on the blog. The so called “healthy” food blog world is so full of eating disorders, I don’t feel the need to contribute to the cause. Because I feel like blogging is almost a safe ground for people with eating disorders. I really feel like some blogs are fuel for eating disorders fires, because we all come here and see eating disordered behaviors portrayed as “healthy”, “normal” and we find comfort in others and have the relief of “ahh I’m not the only one”. But is that right?
I know when I first started recovery, I sought out others who had been there, who were “recovering” as well. Come to find out, they weren’t recovering at all. I finally realized that knowing you have a problem, and actually doing something about it are two different things. Yes, you can point out and acknowledge your disordered thoughts till your blue in the face, but until you actually challenge them, do something about it, and actually make the effort to get better, what’s the point of acknowledging it?
Thankfully for me, I have an awesome support system. A great nutritionist who doesn’t take my eating disordered excuses, makes me challenge myself and holds me accountable. I had a therapist who also called me on my crap. Challenged my eating disorder when I needed it, and pushed me to look deeper into why I was where I was. And I have Matt to hold me accountable at home. Call me on my shit, and push me to do my challenges.
And with all that said, I am happy to report I consider myself to be well on my way to recovery.
But actually recovering has made me realize that with saying goodbye to ED, I had to say goodbye to a few others as well.
And those were some of my fellow bloggers. This is the hard part. Because I truly care about these people and their well being and hell, even considered some of them to be friends, but reading these blogs, seeing them proclaim their eating habits and choices are “healthy” when I can now recognize that they are eating disordered is just not healthy for me.
It’s so easy to find comfort in others making the same choices as you and it makes you think it’s OK. But in reality. It’s not.
It’s not my place to tell someone if their choices are disordered choices or not and as much as I would like to save the world and rid it from eating disorders I can’t. All I can do is remove myself from the situation.
Instagram has also become another issue. Constant meal posting, heart rate monitor and calories burned pictures, body shot, 6-pack abs, it’s just ridiculous. And not healthy.
So with the gain of my healthy life back, I must say goodbye. And again, like I said this is hard because some are people I truly do care about, but I have to do what’s best for me.
So I will be cleaning out my Instagram account, unsubscribing to blogs and attempting to stop trying to save the world.
I need to save my world first.
So I hope there will be no hard feelings and I hope everyone can respect my decision.
I would like to get rid of ED once and for all.
♥ ♥ ♥
Note: With all that being said, I am still here for those that need someone to talk to, someone to relate to, and someone who can give advice from a view of having been there. I truly care about all of my readers, care about their personal struggles, and will always do what I can to help in their struggles of fighting their disordered thoughts.