it’s not a challenge, it’s living

Loves. Happy Monday!

And it’s already starting off pretty marvelous because I have the day off from work! I love having Monday’s off, but then that means I work the rest of the week straight through and that gets a bit wearing.

But I’ll worry about that later.

Since the beautiful Katie reminds us to focus on the positives there is something I want to share with you guys today.

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I’ve talked a lot about challenging myself. Mostly with food.

Well. As great as that is, I realized I was starting to do things just for the sake of the challenge.
Sounds harmless, and maybe it is, but then I realized I was putting too much focus and attention on “accomplishments” and honestly giving myself too much credit for pushing myself. I realized that these situations should not be looked at as challenges, but as just living.

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The perfect situation presented itself one day.

I had a very long day at work, was getting home late and honestly had no desire to do anything except fall on the couch as soon as I got home.

I had been texting Matt about my day and he suggested informed me he was going to just pick up pizza on the way home from work so we wouldn’t have to cook and dinner would be waiting for me when I got home.

Old me would probably freak out about the spontaneity of the situation, the fact that is was cheap delivery pizza, and think back to what I had eaten that day and if it was ok to have pizza.

Ok guys. When is it not ok to have pizza?

Never.

My point exactly.

By time I got home I was starving and didn’t even think twice about the pizza. I enjoyed every last bite and realized how much I missed pizza and having a quick easy meal ready for me. And afterwards I didn’t pat myself on the back for challenging myself, for facing a fear, I looked at the situation as just living. Because that’s what people do when they have long days.

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When you avoid spontaneous situations like these for so long you kind of forget how fun they are.

How normal they are.

And Matt even mentioned that he liked picking up dinner for us, being the one who made the decision, it was what we use to do all the time.

It’s those small things that couples just do, that we stopped doing because of my eating disorder, and it’s seriously amazing how something so small like that could bring us closer as a couple.

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And in case you were wondering, I went back for seconds.

And not to challenge myself.

Because I was still hungry and it tasted good.

I was living.

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What do you think of looking at moments like these as a challenge vs living?

What’s your favorite meal to pick up or have delivered? I’m thinking Chinese food needs to happen next…

getting back to normal

Hello my loves.

Are you sitting down? If not, take a seat, because something is about to happen here that has not happened in a very long time.

We’re going to shake things up a bit for this What I Ate Wednesday so get ready.

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I know you’re expecting repetitive pictures of my breakfasts like my delicious, yet repetitive and boring protein breakfast wraps.

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I am obsessed with blackberries at the moment. I really didn’t even think I liked them as much as I do. But the pint that I recently got, well I’m lucky that these few made it into the wrap, because the rest made it straight into my mouth.

But as mouth-watering as those blackberries are, I have something even more mouth watering to share with you.

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I haven’t really talked about my status in my ED recovery on here lately. Basically because nothing new is really happening. I still need to gain. I’m not really gaining. But on a positive note I am doing amazing in terms of the mental aspect. I am way more accepting of the fact that food is food, I no longer feel guilty if I don’t eat 100% healthy, and I let myself enjoy food for what it is.

One thing however that I really need to and want to work on though is my dinners.  And it’s not really the food aspect of my dinners, but I really want to get back to cooking dinners with Matt, not for Matt. We use to cook together all the time, but those of you with eating disordered tendencies know we have to have complete control when it comes to our meals. (and this is why you constantly see us eating different and separate meals than our significant others or family)

So I actually thought of a great way for me to actually work on this (since half the time Matt drops the ball and shows no enthusiasm for pushing me to do this), I decided I would have my nutritionist give me a recipe once a week that I had to make, and I would then have to send her a picture to prove that I actually made it. She of course loved this idea.

The first dish she picked out for me was Chicken and Broccoli Casserole. And lucky for me Janetha had a great recipe just waiting for me to try.

So loves, the big surprise for you, I have a dinner recipe to share.

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Chicken Broccoli Casserole

(Adapted from this recipe)

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Ingredients:

  • 1 lb chicken breasts, diced into 1” cubes
  • 1 medium onion (I used white)
  • 2.5 cups chopped broccoli
  • 1.5 cups (cooked) brown rice
  • 2- 10 oz can cream of chicken soup
  • 1 cup 0% plain greek yogurt (I used Fage)
  • 3/4 shredded cheese (I used monterey jack & mild cheddar)
  • salt, pepper, &  garlic powder (to taste)

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(Pre-baked)

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Directions:

  1. Cook rice.
  2. Steam broccoli.
  3. In a saute pan cook chicken and onion until brown.
  4. Combine cooked chicken, onions, broccoli, rice and remaining ingredients in mixing bowl. mix well.
  5. Pour mixture into casserole dish. sprinkle with cheese.
  6. Bake at 350 degrees, uncovered, until warmed through, about 15-20 minutes.

Or if you’re like me and have to prep meals the night before, leave in the oven for about 25-30 minutes or until warm and bubbly.

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(Post-baked)

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Seriously guys, this was amazing.

For some reason I had been avoiding cheese (I’m sure some silly ED rule), but I will tell you I enjoyed every last bite of this dish guilt free.

It was that good.

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Look at that yummy ooey gooey cheesy goodness.

And even better, we have left overs!

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This dinner really gave me a realization of how silly my ED rules are, because in all honesty this is a pretty healthy dish. But since I still have the thought process of “good” foods, “bad” foods, I wasn’t allowing myself to eat dishes like this.

So I’m hoping in continuing with the challenge on making dishes like these for dinner, and actually cooking them with Matt and giving up some of that control, it can become my normal again.

Because that’s what normal is, eating the same meals as your loved ones, sharing the cooking process, and not always having control over what’s for dinner.

That is normal.

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Do you always have control over what’s for dinner?

 

i will win

Hello hello my love bugs.

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I will warn you right off the bat, this post may be a little bi-polar.

I had an amazing experience that I want to share, but I also want to be completely honest and not make life seem all rainbows and butterflies.

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However, about 90% of my life is pretty much rainbows and butterflies lately, but we all have our ups and downs, and with every positive, sometimes there is a negative. It’s just how we handle that negative, do we dwell on it? Or do we move on?

And lately in my case, I have learned how to move on, find the positives, and not dwell on the past.

So if you’ve been reading lately, you know I have had a few amazing steps in my recovery lately.

Multiple frozen yogurt trips.

My sushi date out with friends.

My celebration dinner with Matt.

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I seriously feel like I am making huge strides in becoming normal again, eating normal again, losing the obsessiveness I had with food. I thought I figured out this is just what I need to do right now to get healthy. And yes, for me that means gaining weight. But I figured out I needed to stop looking at is as gaining weight, but getting healthy, getting my life back. It was an amazing freeing feeling and I was on cloud 9.

Then I saw how much I gained, and yes a little bit of me freaked out. Well a little bit of my ED freaked out. I wouldn’t say I pulled back per say, but I was a bit more anxious. One thing I am very proud of, is I never restrict anymore. So after my trip to my nutritionist, there was a part of me that was automatically planning my “safe” meal. When I have thoughts like these the one thing I try to do is challenge it. If I have an ED thought, I will counteract it. And then some.

So what did I do?

I called Matt up and said meet me out for a drink.

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A nice cold beer is what I needed to calm my nerves. This not only challenged my eating disorder with not going home to “be safe”, but also oh my gosh how many calories were in that beer? Who cares. I was with Matt, I had comfort, half the anxiety was gone.

But with it still being early, I still had time to choose to go home and make dinner.

And I almost did.

Then I brought up to Matt eating dinner out. Half the battle was won. But when we started talking about restaurant options, the ED started to sneak back in. I will be honest in saying I was trying to think of the safest restaurant I could. We both couldn’t agree on a place and since we were in a shopping area, I suggested just walking around to see if we could find a place that sounded good to both of us. We turned onto a street we both had never been down and there were two restaurants. Sauce (pizza) and Zoe’s Kitchen. (semi-healthy sandwiches).

Automatically out of my mouth came, “oh, let’s try Zoe’s Kitchen”.

I then thought about why I was choosing that restaurant, looked at Matt and said (pardon my french) fuck it, let’s get pizza.

So that’s what we did.

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I started with more liquid courage.

(because really what’s pizza without beer)

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And then followed it with this beauty of pizza.

Guys, it has been a long time since I have had pizza out.

You want to talk about fear food, this cheesy masterpiece was one of them.

I am happy though to report that I ate 2/3 of it. All by myself.

I left comfortably full, satisfied, and back on cloud 9. I knew I had beat ED.

And if that wasn’t enough, we had plans to meet a friend who was in town for more drinks.

Yup. Beer. Pizza. More beer.

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This was a banana beer which just makes everything better.

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But with these rainbows came some rain.

Working at an animal facility, there is a huge scale available to weigh the dogs. I take advantage of that, because a long time ago I threw away my scale at home. So when I stepped on that scale, saw the number, I freaked. I know better than to weigh myself. It’s on the top of the my nutritionists’ list of things not to do. But sometimes I go against my better judgement and I do it anyways. I don’t know, it’s really just self-sabotage, but this is just a part of me that isn’t recovered yet. But again, I am getting really good at fighting my ED thoughts. I walked away thinking “Debbie, this is a good thing. This is getting healthy. This is what you need to do.” Because let’s be honest, if I want to be a successful vet tech, I can’t weigh what I weigh. And what, did I go to school just to not be able to perform at my job? No. I didn’t.

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So even though I battled my disordered thoughts. Got through them. Talked sense into myself, I did want to be honest that I still do have these thoughts. And even though I like to document the achievements and high moments, there are still low moments. But again it’s how we fight and counteract them.

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And to show my ED who really is boss, this happened too.

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I teased you guys earlier in my WIAW post about this tasty treat, and lemme tell you, it was tasty.

We were walking back to the car from the bar and walked past Sparky’s Old Town Creamery, which is kind of like a Cold Stone, but better.

After sampling probably every flavor, we decided to get Chocolate Fudge Brownie. You also get one free add in and I decided on chocolate chips. Seriously, something about chocolate chips in my ice cream I am obsessed with. Matt insisted we get it in a chocolate covered cone, we were informed that the cone was actually a topper because the ice cream doesn’t fit in it. Works for me!

This was so good. And so worth it.

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Overall though I will say I think I have accepted what I need to do.

I have seen the positives of challenging my ED and the negatives of falling victim to the thoughts.

So loves, yes I still have my challenges, but I have decided to fight them, battle ED, and I will win.

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marvelous new beginnings

Happy Monday my love bugs!

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I can’t believe it’s already Monday, my weekend just seemed to have flew by. I am also such a mix of emotions right now. I actually just sent an e-mail to my potential externship site to set up a finalized schedule with them. I am so nervous about actually starting to work, but also so excited to be actually starting to work! Funny how one experience can give you multiple emotions. The clinic I choose I think will offer me a lot though in terms of a learning experience and exposing me to a wide range of client and animal care experiences. The doctor was very honest in saying some of their clients are somewhat “difficult”, this being because they kind of cater to the breeding/show dog community, so the owners can be a bit “demanding” if you will.

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dog show

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But the doctor along with the staff seemed really laid back and easy to get along with, so I think that will balance out the needy/challenging clients. Another thing I’m worried about? My schedule will be 7am-6pm. Oh yes, I have 11 hour days in my future. And considering I am a bit OCD when it comes to schedule, this scares me. But in the big picture I think this will be good for me. Because let’s be honest, my fears are: 1. I won’t have time to exercise (eating disordered fear that needs to be addressed) 2. I won’t be able to plan my meals, I may have to eat what they order in (eating disordered fear that needs to be challenged) 3. I won’t know what time I will be home and I will be exhausted (this fear is legit).

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So I actually think this schedule will be good for me in the long run for my recovery. I will not get to work out everyday (which my nutritionist has been begging me not to do for some time now), I will be forced to eat uncomfortable foods (foods that are normal to eat and I shouldn’t have a problem with anyways). It will force me to face issues I have been hiding from. So, I’m scared, yes, but ready for the challenge. My end goal is to get better and not have eating disordered thoughts, so let’s go big or go home!

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But enough of that, because as we know Monday’s are the time to be marvelous.

So make sure you head over and visit the lovely Katie and see how we all find the marvelous in our Monday’s.

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My weekend was full of fun times. I knew it would be my last Friday off for awhile so Matt and I took advantage of it. The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous, so I told him day drinking was in order. We even made a lunch date and went to a local taco stand  that he raved about.

First exciting thing about this place?

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I had only heard of this wonderful contraption and it was my first time using a flavor machine.

I chose Cherry Vanilla Coke Zero.

It was pretty tasty! And fun!

I am sorry to say though that the burrito I ordered was meh. Nothing special.

Thank goodness we had started with this.

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The guacamole and salsa were amazing! This pretty much saved my burrito. I smothered that bad boy with the guacamole.

I like guacamole more than a normal person probably should.

#sorryimnotsorry

Looking at this picture actually makes me kind of sad because I want more.

At least I know where to find it right?

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Sunday was pretty fun as well. While all you crazy kids were out celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I was stuck at work. Thankfully next weekend will be my last weekend (there is no way I’m working 11 hour days and working the weekend). I did  however sneak away on my break and met Matt  at a local brewery for a quick drink.

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And yes I know it was Cinco de Mayo and maybe I should have gotten a margarita, or maybe a Corona in tribute, but this beer snob doesn’t roll like that. I got an amazing IPA that was way better than any margarita.

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I know you’re probably thinking, you drank on your break?? Ok truth. I probably only drank 1/3 of that beer and left the rest for Matt. He happily obliged. Like that kid would ever turn beer down.

Other than that my weekend has been pretty quiet. But there’s always a calm before the storm right?

Have a wonderful week loves, I start my extern Tuesday, so you may not hear from me for awhile.

I hope I survive.

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Did you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

it’s time to say goodbye.

Note: This post has been sitting, waiting to be posted for over 3 weeks now. I finally think it’s time to share.

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This post is hard to write.

I like to keep things light and happy around here, and even though I am very open about my eating disorder, I try not to focus too much on it on the blog. The so called “healthy” food blog world is so full of eating disorders, I don’t feel the need to contribute to the cause. Because I feel like blogging is almost a safe ground for people with eating disorders. I really feel like some blogs are fuel for eating disorders fires, because we all come here and see eating disordered behaviors portrayed as “healthy”, “normal” and we find comfort in others and have the relief of “ahh I’m not the only one”. But is that right?

I know when I first started recovery, I sought out others who had been there, who were “recovering” as well. Come to find out, they weren’t recovering at all. I finally realized that knowing you have a problem, and actually doing something about it are two different things. Yes, you can point out and acknowledge your disordered thoughts till your blue in the face, but until you actually challenge them, do something about it, and actually make the effort to get better, what’s the point of acknowledging it?

Thankfully for me, I have an awesome support system. A great nutritionist who doesn’t take my eating disordered excuses, makes me challenge myself and holds me accountable. I had a therapist who also called me on my crap. Challenged my eating disorder when I needed it, and pushed me to look deeper into why I was where I was. And I have Matt to hold me accountable at home. Call me on my shit, and push me to do my challenges.

And with all that said, I am happy to report I consider myself to be well on my way to recovery.

But actually recovering has made me realize that with saying goodbye to ED, I had to say goodbye to a few others as well.

And those were some of my fellow bloggers. This is the hard part. Because I truly care about these people and their well being and hell, even considered some of them to be friends, but reading these blogs, seeing them proclaim their eating habits and choices are “healthy” when I can now recognize that they are eating disordered is just not healthy for me.

It’s so easy to find comfort in others making the same choices as you and it makes you think it’s OK. But in reality. It’s not.

It’s not my place to tell someone if their choices are disordered choices or not and as much as I would like to save the world and rid it from eating disorders I can’t.  All I can do is remove myself from the situation.

Instagram has also become another issue. Constant meal posting, heart rate monitor and calories burned pictures, body shot, 6-pack abs, it’s just ridiculous. And not healthy.

So with the gain of my healthy life back, I must say goodbye. And again, like I said this is hard because some are people I truly do care about, but I have to do what’s best for me.

So I will be cleaning out my Instagram account, unsubscribing to blogs and attempting to stop trying to save the world.

I need to save my world first.

So I hope there will be no hard feelings and I hope everyone can respect my decision.

I would like to get rid of ED once and for all.

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Note: With all that being said, I am still here for those that need someone to talk to, someone to relate to, and someone who can give advice from a view of having been there. I truly care about all of my readers, care about their personal struggles, and will always do what I can to help in their struggles of fighting their disordered thoughts.

no body is perfect

Hey guys!!

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I really appreciate all the support I got and continue to get from you guys in terms of my recovery. I know I am not alone and even if you’re not diagnosed, I think we all can relate in terms of having eating disordered thoughts.

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One thing I have learned and I think is important to mention is there is no perfect body, no perfect diet, and no just one way to eat/exercise/live. We are all individuals and our bodies all need different things. And if you want to give it some ice cream now and then, that’s ok too.

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I love blogging, but sometimes I think we all get a little too caught up in what everyone else is doing.  I think it’s important to remember that a lot of what others are doing and what we are reading is not normal or average. Sometimes we all have those days where we just feel blah and reading about someone else’s 2 hour work out and green smoothie is not what we need.

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I had one of those days recently. I typically do my work outs first thing in the morning before class and this one day things just went wrong, and I didn’t get the work out in that I had anticipated. Instead of freaking out, restricting, and being miserable I did what any normal person should do. I continued my day as normal. I still had that spoonful of peanut butter I might have previously restricted, sat on the couch and watched Desperate Housewives on Netflix like I always do after class and even made the fiance take me out for fro-yo. Just to prove to myself that one botched work out wouldn’t ruin or run the rest of my day. And guess what, I didn’t gain an excessive amount of weight over night either.

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I think that some blogs portray the wrong image of being healthy and what a healthy lifestyle really is. We don’t need to restrict our diets, count every calorie, work out every day, or go for 20 mile runs to “earn dessert”. However if you can run 20 miles, kudos to you! But it’s not something we need to do every day. Remember there is no perfect body and you are perfect the way you are.

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So this is just my little reminder to you that there is no right way. And you are perfect the way you are. As long as you are happy, are enjoying life, living with no regrets, all the other things don’t matter quite as much. Self acceptance is the most and maybe the only thing that matters. So throw out all the rules and just live. Life is too short.

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safe foods

Hello my loves!

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What, me posting on the weekend? Crazy I know. The girl I work with on Saturday’s had a family emergency and I am basically waiting around for a phone call for when/if I need to go in. Kind of nice having the morning “off” but kind of stinks not knowing when I’m going to get called to go in. So I’m kind of stuck in the house.  Which on a positive note I finished my project for class and now I have time to write a lovely post.

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There actually has been something on my mind I wanted to chat about, so I thought what a better time.

It’s been awhile since I have updated on everyone on my status in my eating disorder recovery. I have been so busy with school and work, it kind of gets put on the back burner. In writing about it and in real life. I have been told multiple times that “I am stuck”.  I am still at a point where I need to gain, I need to challenge myself, but it just hasn’t been happening. I have basically found a new “safe zone”. Now does this mean I am not making progress? No, absolutely not. I have come incredibly far since the beginning.

But one of my new challenges and something I wanted to acknowledge are “safe foods”.  It’s a classic sign of an eating disorder and it’s one of the trickiest.

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We all eat what we think tastes good, but one of the down falls with eating disorders is it tells us what to like and what not to like and convinces us that we are making these decisions on our own.

It’s kind of hard for me to actually admit that, because I am a full believer I would not eat something that I didn’t enjoy. And I don’t. The point is there are other things that I do/might enjoy that I do not eat for one reason or another. “not healthy” “too many calories” “too processed” “too high in sugar”

I mean you could make a million excuses on why you choose not to eat something.

But sometimes you have to think about why you really aren’t eating it.

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For example. I really like sweet potatoes. And I like making my sweet potatoes sweet.

Yes, I did enjoy this meal, but would I have enjoyed say a regular baked potato with sour cream and cheese? Maybe some chili on top? Yes, it probably would have tasted good, but I decided to choose a lower calorie choice of adding cottage cheese and PB2 as my toppings instead.

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See what I mean? I did enjoy this meal. It did taste good, but so would have other options. I resorted to my safe foods.

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As much as I hate to say this, another example are my powercakes. (this is no way means I’m going to stop eating them, because I freaking love them)

But let’s look at it.

Egg whites. Super low calorie. Super low fat.

I will give myself credit though in terms of having a full complete breakfast. Yes this is a lower calorie option, but I make sure to accompany it with fruit and some sort of carb. The point is of almost all food groups, I choose the lower calorie option. But I won’t ignore the progress of my health I know I need to keep.

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Spaghetti squash instead of real pasta?

Yes again, I like the way spaghetti squash tastes, I also use to really like to eat pasta. But let’s be real. Carbs scare eating disorders.

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So in conclusion? The whole point behind me challenging my safe foods isn’t completely cutting them out of my diet, but it’s to eat other foods, scary foods. My first reaction was, “well I don’t want to eat a bunch of pre-packaged crap” and what I am continuously told is, they are not telling me I have to eat that food every night, but if I do happen to have it once in awhile, it’s to be ok with it. Which is definitely something I struggle with. I kind of hate how people call these days “cheat days”. You’re not cheating. You’re eating what you like, and if it happens to be a frozen pizza one night, then ok, it’s a frozen pizza. And it’s one night. And if people judge you on that, forget them.

Katie made an awesome Instragram post about wanting the new Burger King treats. And the fact that people even acknowledged that it was “ok” “for her to “give in” or “indulge” or “they know she doesn’t always eat that way“. Who cares if she did? I mean, would she still not be the sweetest person ever if she did have a Burger King item everyday? Pretty sure she would still be the amazing person she is today. (love you girl!) Why do we have to judge what others eat? And how does that define who they are as a person? It doesn’t.

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So my point in all this. Yes, I still struggle, but I am working on it. Working on accepting food for what it is. Food. Fuel. Life. And I need to be ok with eating outside my “safe foods“.

And I think I got a pretty good start last night. I mean a whole lot of this happened.

And I mean a whole lot. And I didn’t think twice about it.

I mean. I was with this guy and everything, so how could I care.

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I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Enjoy life.

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Do you think you have safe foods?

what is normal anyways?

Hello loves and happy Monday!

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I have a new love for Monday’s now as I get to participate in the lovely Katie’s Marvelous In My Monday.

I use this time to recap on my weekend and some of the wonderful things that happened. Because honestly, as of late, my weekends have been amazing. I am really starting to get back to that normal frame of thinking, losing more and more of my eating disorder each day and just living and enjoying life.

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But what is normal anyways?

Let me tell you what my normal has been.

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Friday night we went up to see Matt’s parents. Matt’s mom has not been feeling too well due to a recent GI tumor she had removed. She responded horribly to it at first. Was very nauseous. Could not keep any food down at all. It was a very scary time. Finally the doctors sort of figured out what was going on and seemed to have fixed it. She seems to be getting back to her old self which is amazing to see. We were so worried about her. So it was great to be able to go see them and spend some quality time with them.

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Normal occurrence #1.

Matt’s parents, especially his mom, were very accommodating to my eating disorder. They allowed me to eat separate meals, go grocery shopping for my own food, and never questioned it. That was a good and bad thing.  Good they understood my troubles with my recovery process at first, bad because it allowed my eating disorder to still take control. Normal people visit in-laws and eat what they cook and have dinner together.

(Old picture from Christmas (yes this is what Christmas looks like in Arizona) but I love this family!!)

When we arrived Friday night, dinner was in the oven. Matt’s dad was cooking. No questions asked if the meal was ok with me or not. First I got a little mad. Almost refusing to eat dinner. They were making enchiladas. I had no idea what was in them, how they were prepared, and that scared that crap out of me. No wait. Scared the crap out of ED. I’m not going to lie, I kind of pouted for a bit. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being. I was there to spend time with Matt’s parents. This was just dinner. Get over it. Eat it. And I did. and it was delicious. (And guess what, I didn’t die or probably gain an ounce. Imagine that.)

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Normal occurrence #2

Saturday night we had plans to go out for dinner. Chili’s. I knew this was going to happen, so I kind of mentally prepared myself for this one and I knew I wanted to challenge myself. So when the chips and queso were ordered, guess who dived right in? This girl. And guess who still finished their entree? This girl. I owned Chili’s that night. And not a shred of guilt.  That is the most refreshing thing and the real accomplishment. Not that I can do these normal things now, but that I don’t even give it the time of day to dwell on it anymore. It just is what it is.

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Normal occurrence #3

Sunday was the soccer finals match. Matt and I made plans to go to the Irish pub we went to for a a previous game. Lunch would be eaten out. Three days in a row? Could this girl do it?

She did.

I may be the only weird person who orders sushi at an Irish pub, but let’s face it. I love sushi.

There was also a little bit of this.

Soccer. Beer. My babses. I was good to go.

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Then the unthinkable happened.

After the match. (and Spain won. Yay) I suggested to go see a movie.

We saw Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.

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(I read the book. Book = much better)

And I even ate movie theater popcorn.

Oh yes I did.

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Let’s say I am a bit challenged out. But it was so amazing to have a normal weekend.

And yes, Sunday night it all hit me a bit, but not nearly as bad as it use to. And that’s when I really know I am progressing. And it feels wonderful.

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Loves I hope you all had an amazing weekend as I did. And I hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July holiday!

I have another challenge for myself in store. A friend is having a pool party cook out.

Something I have avoided.

This girl is going in a bikini and eating BBQ.

Watch out world.

Debbie is back and in the best way possible.

Healthy.

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Do you have any 4th of July plans?

Have you challenged yourself lately?