what i ate in los angeles

Oh loves! Hello!

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I have so much to share with you today.

As I mentioned in my last post, I knew I was going to be a bit MIA these last few days because Matt and I were off in Los Angeles visiting two three amazing people.

Our dear friends Greg and Sam just had a beautiful baby boy and we finally were able to go out and visit them and meet the little man himself.

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Meet little Archer. He is adorable.

But as much as I would love to swoon over this precious angel, it is Wednesday and all, so I figured since I not only got to spend time with some amazing people, I also got to enjoy some amazing LA food.

So for today’s What I Ate Wednesday, I am going to do What I Ate In Los Angeles.

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I know you guys are probably thinking and questioning, did I go safe this visit? Or did I use it as a challenge for myself.
That answer should be pretty obvious.
I always use these situations as a challenge for myself.
However, now I am really trying to not look at them as challenges. Because honestly that gives my ED way more attention than it deserves. The fact is I was going to visit friends and spend time with them. That’s it. I was just living life.
And let me tell you. Living life was pretty delicious this weekend.
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LA is a six hour drive from us, so Matt and I got up at the crack of dawn and were on the road by 6am. So breakfast was pre-made pb&j’s that I had prepared the night before. Not photo worthy in the slightest.
We arrived in LA around 1pm and trust me we were hungry! Thankfully Greg and Sam had some grilling foods ready for us!
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grilling
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If you’re like me, one of the first things that you’re probably thinking is “why are the hotdogs cut like that?”. Greg found some crazy thing online stating that if you spirialize your hot dogs before you grill them it helps them cook better and are more crispy and evenly cooked. We took his word for it. I didn’t have one, but Matt seemed to think they were pretty fantastic.  I have a feeling if we ever grill hotdogs now he is going to want to do this. Not gonna lie, they look pretty cool.
I did however have three four of those chicken kabobs. And those were ah-mazing. I don’t know what it is, but grilled pineapple is one of the best things ever.
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After lunch we hung out with the little man for awhile, but then quickly got ready for our night plans. One of the main things we had wanted to do while we were in Los Angeles was to do a little brewery tour. You all know Matt and I love our beer and we love visiting different breweries as we travel. The breweries we visited were Monkish Brewing Co., Strand Brewing Co., and Smog City Brewing Co. We had intentions of going to one more, but after multiple beer tastings drinkings, we all got hungry and decided to go have dinner instead.  We went to a near by hot spot called Rock & Brews.
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After all the beer I had consumed, it was an under statement to say I needed some food.
I got an in house made veggie burger that was made with eggplant, white and black beans, vegetables and raw oats.
It was inhaled and it was delicious.
And for some reason when I drink, dessert is always a must.
Enter ice cream sundae.
No explanation needed for that one.
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The next morning we were all pretty slow to rise, but a baby can quickly change that. After we all had our morning coffee, we decided to head out for breakfast at one of Greg and Sam’s favorite breakfast joints; The Yellow Vase.
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breakfast
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I wish I could claim that amazing looking waffle as mine, but it was Matt’s.
(but don’t think that amazing up close bite shot didn’t go straight into my mouth)
I got an omelet stuffed with spinach, mushrooms, asparagus and sun dried tomatoes.
After dousing it with salsa, this thing was demolished. Along with a side whole banana and strawberries.
This girl can eat. No shame.
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After breakfast we decided to head down to a local farmers market.
I am so jealous of their farmers markets. So much fresh produce and fruit. I wanted it all.
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I really wish we went before breakfast because there were so many free samples, but I was just too stuffed  to eat more. Even though I wanted to. Really bad.
We did end up buying a few goodies. ButterRum Cake (oh my gosh the best cake I have eaten in a long time), High Fiber Whole Grain Carrot Bread, and Whole Wheat Cinnamon Raisin Bread. You guys know me and my carbs. Love them.
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We had a small lunch at the house, but around 4pm Sam and I got the frozen yogurt itch. It was National Ice Cream Day, so we decided frozen yogurt was necessary. But let’s be real, we would have gotten it anyways.
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My new favorite combination of mint and fudge brownie is hidden under there. Oh, and little swirl of Pecan Pralines. Because I can never make up my mind.
Shocker, I know.
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Dinner that night was another shared favorite of ours.
Sushi.
When I travel I do like to try and eat at places I can’t eat at home, but really, who would I be if I turned down sushi.
A crazy person that’s who. So I didn’t.
We went to one of their favorite restaurants, Fusion Sushi.
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sushi
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All of it was delicious, but I think my favorite was the cucumber roll I got. I believe it was filled with crab, salmon and tuna. But it was one of the best cucumber rolls I have ever had. One of those things you wish didn’t end, and get really sad when it’s gone.
But let me tell you the one part of dinner I did not enjoy.
I like to be pretty adventurous with my eats and always say I will try anything once.
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This my friends is sea urchin.
Looks like a tongue. Tastes like a tongue.
I will not be eating this again.
Dis-gusting.
It was seriously  like putting dirty ocean in my mouth.
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We had to leave the next day, but in true Greg and Sam fashion, they sent us off with full bellies.
Sam made a delicious home made breakfast for us before we left.
I’m telling you. best.hosts.ever.
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I personally don’t like egg yolks, but Sam’s plate was just too pretty not to photograph.
Underneath were amazing home made biscuits and sausage gravy.  I had some of my new carrot bread topped with Trader Joe’s cocoa almond spread and a pear Chobani.
We had an amazing time, but of course wish we could have stayed longer, but life was calling back in Arizona, so back on the road we went!
And what’s a road trip without some road trip snacks?
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snacks
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Those Trader Joe’s chocolate banana’s were eaten at the house, but seriously, these things are amazing. I think I ate half their box of them. Whoops.
The Good Bean chickpeas, Quest bars and Peanut Butter filled Pretzels were great travel snacks and for a quick lunch we stopped at Subway.
So my loves, as you can see I had a weekend full of great eats.
I was one stuffed happy girl.
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Oh wait.
Did you think it ended there?
It doesn’t.
When we got back into town it was around dinner time. I will admit I was a bit over whelmed mentally with the weekend. It was a big push for me. And I’m not going to lie, on the drive home I was planning my “safe” dinner. I knew I was doing it. So what did I do? Fought back. I told Matt how I was feeling and we both came up with the same solution.
We wanted to end the weekend with a bang.
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These were the sad faces as we left LA, but we made them happy faces by stopping at one of our favorite local Mexican spots for dinner and stuffing them with margarita’s and chicken burrito’s.
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I had an amazing weekend and did not want to go back to the reality of work and life, but I suppose that’s what being an adult is all about.
So loves, that’s all I have for you, but as you can see, my weekend was a pretty amazing one and was full of delicious eats, adorable babies, and amazing friends.
I hope you all have an amazing rest of your week.
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Have you ever tried sea urchin? If not, don’t.
Would you try anything once? Or do you stick to safe foods?

getting back to normal

Hello my loves.

Are you sitting down? If not, take a seat, because something is about to happen here that has not happened in a very long time.

We’re going to shake things up a bit for this What I Ate Wednesday so get ready.

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I know you’re expecting repetitive pictures of my breakfasts like my delicious, yet repetitive and boring protein breakfast wraps.

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I am obsessed with blackberries at the moment. I really didn’t even think I liked them as much as I do. But the pint that I recently got, well I’m lucky that these few made it into the wrap, because the rest made it straight into my mouth.

But as mouth-watering as those blackberries are, I have something even more mouth watering to share with you.

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I haven’t really talked about my status in my ED recovery on here lately. Basically because nothing new is really happening. I still need to gain. I’m not really gaining. But on a positive note I am doing amazing in terms of the mental aspect. I am way more accepting of the fact that food is food, I no longer feel guilty if I don’t eat 100% healthy, and I let myself enjoy food for what it is.

One thing however that I really need to and want to work on though is my dinners.  And it’s not really the food aspect of my dinners, but I really want to get back to cooking dinners with Matt, not for Matt. We use to cook together all the time, but those of you with eating disordered tendencies know we have to have complete control when it comes to our meals. (and this is why you constantly see us eating different and separate meals than our significant others or family)

So I actually thought of a great way for me to actually work on this (since half the time Matt drops the ball and shows no enthusiasm for pushing me to do this), I decided I would have my nutritionist give me a recipe once a week that I had to make, and I would then have to send her a picture to prove that I actually made it. She of course loved this idea.

The first dish she picked out for me was Chicken and Broccoli Casserole. And lucky for me Janetha had a great recipe just waiting for me to try.

So loves, the big surprise for you, I have a dinner recipe to share.

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Chicken Broccoli Casserole

(Adapted from this recipe)

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Ingredients:

  • 1 lb chicken breasts, diced into 1” cubes
  • 1 medium onion (I used white)
  • 2.5 cups chopped broccoli
  • 1.5 cups (cooked) brown rice
  • 2- 10 oz can cream of chicken soup
  • 1 cup 0% plain greek yogurt (I used Fage)
  • 3/4 shredded cheese (I used monterey jack & mild cheddar)
  • salt, pepper, &  garlic powder (to taste)

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(Pre-baked)

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Directions:

  1. Cook rice.
  2. Steam broccoli.
  3. In a saute pan cook chicken and onion until brown.
  4. Combine cooked chicken, onions, broccoli, rice and remaining ingredients in mixing bowl. mix well.
  5. Pour mixture into casserole dish. sprinkle with cheese.
  6. Bake at 350 degrees, uncovered, until warmed through, about 15-20 minutes.

Or if you’re like me and have to prep meals the night before, leave in the oven for about 25-30 minutes or until warm and bubbly.

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(Post-baked)

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Seriously guys, this was amazing.

For some reason I had been avoiding cheese (I’m sure some silly ED rule), but I will tell you I enjoyed every last bite of this dish guilt free.

It was that good.

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Look at that yummy ooey gooey cheesy goodness.

And even better, we have left overs!

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This dinner really gave me a realization of how silly my ED rules are, because in all honesty this is a pretty healthy dish. But since I still have the thought process of “good” foods, “bad” foods, I wasn’t allowing myself to eat dishes like this.

So I’m hoping in continuing with the challenge on making dishes like these for dinner, and actually cooking them with Matt and giving up some of that control, it can become my normal again.

Because that’s what normal is, eating the same meals as your loved ones, sharing the cooking process, and not always having control over what’s for dinner.

That is normal.

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Do you always have control over what’s for dinner?

 

i will win

Hello hello my love bugs.

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I will warn you right off the bat, this post may be a little bi-polar.

I had an amazing experience that I want to share, but I also want to be completely honest and not make life seem all rainbows and butterflies.

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However, about 90% of my life is pretty much rainbows and butterflies lately, but we all have our ups and downs, and with every positive, sometimes there is a negative. It’s just how we handle that negative, do we dwell on it? Or do we move on?

And lately in my case, I have learned how to move on, find the positives, and not dwell on the past.

So if you’ve been reading lately, you know I have had a few amazing steps in my recovery lately.

Multiple frozen yogurt trips.

My sushi date out with friends.

My celebration dinner with Matt.

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I seriously feel like I am making huge strides in becoming normal again, eating normal again, losing the obsessiveness I had with food. I thought I figured out this is just what I need to do right now to get healthy. And yes, for me that means gaining weight. But I figured out I needed to stop looking at is as gaining weight, but getting healthy, getting my life back. It was an amazing freeing feeling and I was on cloud 9.

Then I saw how much I gained, and yes a little bit of me freaked out. Well a little bit of my ED freaked out. I wouldn’t say I pulled back per say, but I was a bit more anxious. One thing I am very proud of, is I never restrict anymore. So after my trip to my nutritionist, there was a part of me that was automatically planning my “safe” meal. When I have thoughts like these the one thing I try to do is challenge it. If I have an ED thought, I will counteract it. And then some.

So what did I do?

I called Matt up and said meet me out for a drink.

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A nice cold beer is what I needed to calm my nerves. This not only challenged my eating disorder with not going home to “be safe”, but also oh my gosh how many calories were in that beer? Who cares. I was with Matt, I had comfort, half the anxiety was gone.

But with it still being early, I still had time to choose to go home and make dinner.

And I almost did.

Then I brought up to Matt eating dinner out. Half the battle was won. But when we started talking about restaurant options, the ED started to sneak back in. I will be honest in saying I was trying to think of the safest restaurant I could. We both couldn’t agree on a place and since we were in a shopping area, I suggested just walking around to see if we could find a place that sounded good to both of us. We turned onto a street we both had never been down and there were two restaurants. Sauce (pizza) and Zoe’s Kitchen. (semi-healthy sandwiches).

Automatically out of my mouth came, “oh, let’s try Zoe’s Kitchen”.

I then thought about why I was choosing that restaurant, looked at Matt and said (pardon my french) fuck it, let’s get pizza.

So that’s what we did.

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I started with more liquid courage.

(because really what’s pizza without beer)

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And then followed it with this beauty of pizza.

Guys, it has been a long time since I have had pizza out.

You want to talk about fear food, this cheesy masterpiece was one of them.

I am happy though to report that I ate 2/3 of it. All by myself.

I left comfortably full, satisfied, and back on cloud 9. I knew I had beat ED.

And if that wasn’t enough, we had plans to meet a friend who was in town for more drinks.

Yup. Beer. Pizza. More beer.

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This was a banana beer which just makes everything better.

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But with these rainbows came some rain.

Working at an animal facility, there is a huge scale available to weigh the dogs. I take advantage of that, because a long time ago I threw away my scale at home. So when I stepped on that scale, saw the number, I freaked. I know better than to weigh myself. It’s on the top of the my nutritionists’ list of things not to do. But sometimes I go against my better judgement and I do it anyways. I don’t know, it’s really just self-sabotage, but this is just a part of me that isn’t recovered yet. But again, I am getting really good at fighting my ED thoughts. I walked away thinking “Debbie, this is a good thing. This is getting healthy. This is what you need to do.” Because let’s be honest, if I want to be a successful vet tech, I can’t weigh what I weigh. And what, did I go to school just to not be able to perform at my job? No. I didn’t.

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So even though I battled my disordered thoughts. Got through them. Talked sense into myself, I did want to be honest that I still do have these thoughts. And even though I like to document the achievements and high moments, there are still low moments. But again it’s how we fight and counteract them.

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And to show my ED who really is boss, this happened too.

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I teased you guys earlier in my WIAW post about this tasty treat, and lemme tell you, it was tasty.

We were walking back to the car from the bar and walked past Sparky’s Old Town Creamery, which is kind of like a Cold Stone, but better.

After sampling probably every flavor, we decided to get Chocolate Fudge Brownie. You also get one free add in and I decided on chocolate chips. Seriously, something about chocolate chips in my ice cream I am obsessed with. Matt insisted we get it in a chocolate covered cone, we were informed that the cone was actually a topper because the ice cream doesn’t fit in it. Works for me!

This was so good. And so worth it.

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Overall though I will say I think I have accepted what I need to do.

I have seen the positives of challenging my ED and the negatives of falling victim to the thoughts.

So loves, yes I still have my challenges, but I have decided to fight them, battle ED, and I will win.

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marvelous new beginnings

Happy Monday my love bugs!

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I can’t believe it’s already Monday, my weekend just seemed to have flew by. I am also such a mix of emotions right now. I actually just sent an e-mail to my potential externship site to set up a finalized schedule with them. I am so nervous about actually starting to work, but also so excited to be actually starting to work! Funny how one experience can give you multiple emotions. The clinic I choose I think will offer me a lot though in terms of a learning experience and exposing me to a wide range of client and animal care experiences. The doctor was very honest in saying some of their clients are somewhat “difficult”, this being because they kind of cater to the breeding/show dog community, so the owners can be a bit “demanding” if you will.

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dog show

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But the doctor along with the staff seemed really laid back and easy to get along with, so I think that will balance out the needy/challenging clients. Another thing I’m worried about? My schedule will be 7am-6pm. Oh yes, I have 11 hour days in my future. And considering I am a bit OCD when it comes to schedule, this scares me. But in the big picture I think this will be good for me. Because let’s be honest, my fears are: 1. I won’t have time to exercise (eating disordered fear that needs to be addressed) 2. I won’t be able to plan my meals, I may have to eat what they order in (eating disordered fear that needs to be challenged) 3. I won’t know what time I will be home and I will be exhausted (this fear is legit).

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So I actually think this schedule will be good for me in the long run for my recovery. I will not get to work out everyday (which my nutritionist has been begging me not to do for some time now), I will be forced to eat uncomfortable foods (foods that are normal to eat and I shouldn’t have a problem with anyways). It will force me to face issues I have been hiding from. So, I’m scared, yes, but ready for the challenge. My end goal is to get better and not have eating disordered thoughts, so let’s go big or go home!

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But enough of that, because as we know Monday’s are the time to be marvelous.

So make sure you head over and visit the lovely Katie and see how we all find the marvelous in our Monday’s.

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My weekend was full of fun times. I knew it would be my last Friday off for awhile so Matt and I took advantage of it. The weather here has been absolutely gorgeous, so I told him day drinking was in order. We even made a lunch date and went to a local taco stand  that he raved about.

First exciting thing about this place?

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I had only heard of this wonderful contraption and it was my first time using a flavor machine.

I chose Cherry Vanilla Coke Zero.

It was pretty tasty! And fun!

I am sorry to say though that the burrito I ordered was meh. Nothing special.

Thank goodness we had started with this.

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The guacamole and salsa were amazing! This pretty much saved my burrito. I smothered that bad boy with the guacamole.

I like guacamole more than a normal person probably should.

#sorryimnotsorry

Looking at this picture actually makes me kind of sad because I want more.

At least I know where to find it right?

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Sunday was pretty fun as well. While all you crazy kids were out celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I was stuck at work. Thankfully next weekend will be my last weekend (there is no way I’m working 11 hour days and working the weekend). I did  however sneak away on my break and met Matt  at a local brewery for a quick drink.

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And yes I know it was Cinco de Mayo and maybe I should have gotten a margarita, or maybe a Corona in tribute, but this beer snob doesn’t roll like that. I got an amazing IPA that was way better than any margarita.

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I know you’re probably thinking, you drank on your break?? Ok truth. I probably only drank 1/3 of that beer and left the rest for Matt. He happily obliged. Like that kid would ever turn beer down.

Other than that my weekend has been pretty quiet. But there’s always a calm before the storm right?

Have a wonderful week loves, I start my extern Tuesday, so you may not hear from me for awhile.

I hope I survive.

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Did you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

yes i ate all that

Hello my love muffins.

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I don’t even know where to begin this post, because honestly, I am bursting with so much emotion right now.

Good emotion, which makes this the perfect time for Katie’s Marvelous In My Monday, because my weekend was so amazing, and I feel so great, that even it being Monday can’t get me down.

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Let’s just start by saying I am so happy to be living a life right now. Does that make sense? Being a slave to an eating disorder for so long, I was not living life. My eating disorder was stopping me from doing so. But I have made leaps and bounds lately and it is just simply amazing.

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Let’s take Sunday night for example.

We have been making it a bit of a routine to hang out with our new friends Brian and Jenna. They were the ones we went out with for frozen yogurt last weekend. During that trip, we talked about how we all love so many different types of food. Sushi, Thai, Mexican, Vegetarian, you name it. We loved it. So we kind of made it a challenge to go to every style together.

So this weekend, sushi was chosen. Yea, like I would ever say no to sushi. We recommended our favorite restaurant and they agreed. (yay!)

Let’s just say I have no shame when it comes to sushi.

You don’t believe me? Pictures can’t even do it justice, but let me tell you what all Matt and I ordered, just for the two of us mind you.

And you can judge all you want, I really don’t care.

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We got edamame, seaweed salad, tuna tataki, yellow tail sashimi and 5 rolls. You heard me. 5 rolls.

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And if you were wondering if we finished it all. We did. Every last bite. I kid you not. No shame. White rice doesn’t scare me, avocado doesn’t scare me. All your nonsense of calories and fat, doesn’t scare me.

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You better believe that roll was fried. It had cream cheese in it to. How dare me, eating so unhealthy, so much fat.

Get over it.

I am so over feeling guilty for enjoying myself. Enjoying my food. Enjoying life. Enjoying just living and not worrying about what is going in my mouth. I was more concerned with laughing with my new friends.

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Oh, I’m sorry. Did I forget to mention I had beer and sake too?

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Guess what we did after? Yup. Frozen yogurt. And I didn’t skimp. One thing I have learned is we all can afford to over eat one night. I don’t look at it as cheating, indulging, or any other “excuse” you want to label it. I look at it as eating. Enjoying good company. And living life.

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Oh, and when you walk into a frozen yogurt place and this is the first thing you see?

Game on.

Giant tub of peanut butter? My kind of place.

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I am so happy with new my found freedom. I’m finally happy again. Happy with life. Just living. Just being. And if I end up with a few extra pounds. So what. News flash folks, being skinny doesn’t make you happy. Yes, I want to lead a healthy lifestyle, but that does not mean I have to have all these rules, and follow them 24/7, and shame myself if I break one. I grew up on bologna, american processed cheese, hot dogs, boxed mac and cheese and who knows what else, and guess what. I’m still healthy today. And not dead yet.

Now I am not snubbing those who lead healthy diets, I’m just saying, don’t obsess over it. And don’t take the joy out of eating. If you have rules, restrictions, boundaries, good foods and bad foods, I’m just saying look deeper into what that means. And ask yourself if it’s worth it.

It may be to you, but to me, I like living on the edge and not having any rules. It’s much more fun.

Stay marvelous loves.

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Do you have rules when it comes to food?

a photo dump of a day

Already Wednesday. Good golly Molly.

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I had all intentions of doing a Marvelous In My Monday post, but I swear there are just not enough hours in the day. Since I didn’t get my post up for that, I want to say a belated Happy Birthday to the beautiful Katie!! Since I stalk follow her on Instagram I got to see what a marvelous day she had and she deserved a wonderful, relaxing birthday, so I am happy to see she had a great time.

But it’s not Monday anymore. It’s Wednesday, so let’s get on to the Wednesday goodness.

The What I Ate Wednesday goodness. And this is thanks to another beautiful expecting lady Jenn.

Make sure to visit her and check out her and everyone elses eats. So yummy.

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I actually have a ton to share with you. I am going to try and keep my words short and let the pictures speak for themselves, but you know me, I tend to ramble on quite a bit. So I apologize ahead of time if this post gets lengthy. But I actually have made some tasty meals and it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, so this WIAW is kinda going to be a photo dump of what I’ve been eating lately.

Hope you don’t mind.

Breakfasts around here have been pretty amazing.

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Overnight TVP prOATs are making a pretty regular appearance around here. The one thing I love about oatmeal is I never have the same bowl twice.

By the way, I am so happy strawberries are back in season, because they have been so juicy and fresh. Fresh fruit makes me happy.

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Proof I’ll put my oatmeal in any empty jar I have.

But seriously, every last bit of fig butter needs to be enjoyed.

And enjoy I did.

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And sometimes I let others do the work for me.

Love Grown did not disappoint with their oatmeal. I had been hearing amazing things about them and so glad I finally tried them.

Topped with more Love Grown granola of course.

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I’ve also been on a protein frosting kick lately. But when you have company’s like Plant Fusion and Click that make the best protein powders for making protein frosting’s with, it’s hard not to. Oh and a cinnamon over load on my apple of course.

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Now let’s move on to some dinner fun.

So one thing that Matt and I are working on, is him cooking dinner. As I’m sure a lot of you know a biggest challenge of an eating disorder is control of food. Knowing exactly what goes into a dish, and having to be the one to prepare it. Much safer that way. Matt has also dropped the ball a few times on making me dinner, or following up with challenges we were suppose to do together. So this is really something we both needed to work on.

We had made plans to have him have dinner ready for me when I got home from work. I was actually convinced he forgot – again – to start cooking. But when I let him know I was on my way home his response was “dinner is smelling so good”. He didn’t forget!

When I got home I had a wonderful spread ready for me. He had made a crock pot chicken and I didn’t even ask what he put into it. I didn’t care, I was actually just so happy he remembered to make it.

I made myself a nice little huge bowl of goodness.

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Brown rice, black beans, salsa chicken and look at all that avocado.

My nutritionist really wants me to up my fats, so I am really working on that as well.

And who doesn’t love avocado? Love me some healthy fats.

And then guess what we did the next night?

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sushi

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Oh yes, long awaited sushi date. It has been so long since we had sushi and I have been craving it like a mad women.

We had gotten a Groupon for The Sushi Room, so I was finally able to convince Matt to take me.

So good. So worth it.

And after sushi?

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What’s a date night without fro-yo.

After taste testing probably every flavor I decided on the Pecans and Praline and Milk Chocolate Hazelnut.

With sprinkles of course. Duh.

Heaven in my mouth.

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After posting this picture on Instagram and Facebook, one of Matt’s friends had commented how she loves fro-yo and challenged us to who can make the biggest bowl. Challenge accepted. Yup, we went out for more fro-yo the very next night.

No pictures, new friends = no food pictures yet. It was literally my first time meeting them, so I didn’t want to seem too crazy. Although with some of the conversation that was had that night, me taking pictures of food probably would have been the least of strange things that could have happened. But trust  me, no shame, no guilt of having fro-yo two nights in a row.

Because honestly. Its’s fro-yo. And delicious.

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Ok, I seriously have more to share, but this is getting pretty lengthy, so we’re gonna leave with a

To Be Continued…

But one last teaser for my contribution for this weeks #strangebutgood hosted by the lovely Laura.

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I’ll give you a hint.

More healthy fats.

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How long do you wait before you take pictures of your food with new friends?

Would you eat fro-yo two nights in a row? If you answer anything other than heck yes, then there is something wrong with you 😉 Unless you don’t like it, then there is something really wrong with you.

it’s time to say goodbye.

Note: This post has been sitting, waiting to be posted for over 3 weeks now. I finally think it’s time to share.

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This post is hard to write.

I like to keep things light and happy around here, and even though I am very open about my eating disorder, I try not to focus too much on it on the blog. The so called “healthy” food blog world is so full of eating disorders, I don’t feel the need to contribute to the cause. Because I feel like blogging is almost a safe ground for people with eating disorders. I really feel like some blogs are fuel for eating disorders fires, because we all come here and see eating disordered behaviors portrayed as “healthy”, “normal” and we find comfort in others and have the relief of “ahh I’m not the only one”. But is that right?

I know when I first started recovery, I sought out others who had been there, who were “recovering” as well. Come to find out, they weren’t recovering at all. I finally realized that knowing you have a problem, and actually doing something about it are two different things. Yes, you can point out and acknowledge your disordered thoughts till your blue in the face, but until you actually challenge them, do something about it, and actually make the effort to get better, what’s the point of acknowledging it?

Thankfully for me, I have an awesome support system. A great nutritionist who doesn’t take my eating disordered excuses, makes me challenge myself and holds me accountable. I had a therapist who also called me on my crap. Challenged my eating disorder when I needed it, and pushed me to look deeper into why I was where I was. And I have Matt to hold me accountable at home. Call me on my shit, and push me to do my challenges.

And with all that said, I am happy to report I consider myself to be well on my way to recovery.

But actually recovering has made me realize that with saying goodbye to ED, I had to say goodbye to a few others as well.

And those were some of my fellow bloggers. This is the hard part. Because I truly care about these people and their well being and hell, even considered some of them to be friends, but reading these blogs, seeing them proclaim their eating habits and choices are “healthy” when I can now recognize that they are eating disordered is just not healthy for me.

It’s so easy to find comfort in others making the same choices as you and it makes you think it’s OK. But in reality. It’s not.

It’s not my place to tell someone if their choices are disordered choices or not and as much as I would like to save the world and rid it from eating disorders I can’t.  All I can do is remove myself from the situation.

Instagram has also become another issue. Constant meal posting, heart rate monitor and calories burned pictures, body shot, 6-pack abs, it’s just ridiculous. And not healthy.

So with the gain of my healthy life back, I must say goodbye. And again, like I said this is hard because some are people I truly do care about, but I have to do what’s best for me.

So I will be cleaning out my Instagram account, unsubscribing to blogs and attempting to stop trying to save the world.

I need to save my world first.

So I hope there will be no hard feelings and I hope everyone can respect my decision.

I would like to get rid of ED once and for all.

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Note: With all that being said, I am still here for those that need someone to talk to, someone to relate to, and someone who can give advice from a view of having been there. I truly care about all of my readers, care about their personal struggles, and will always do what I can to help in their struggles of fighting their disordered thoughts.

over the bump [giveaway winner]

Happy Monday my lovelies.

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I hope you are all having a marvelous day so far.

For it being a Monday, I am in a wonderful mood and let me tell you why.

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No, nothing really spectacular happened this weekend, actually it was quite a chill weekend, but there is one thing that I have been loving lately that not only makes Monday marvelous, but life marvelous.

I would love to share everything that is going through my mind right now, but this post would be too long, probably too boring to most, and a random mess of thoughts (because that is just how my brain works).  But to make a long story short.

I have made huge steps in my recovery. I think it’s even safe to say, I crossed that last bump and finally said good bye to my ED.

I’m ready to move forward with my life, to start living again, to be healthy again.

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I no longer have rules, I no longer have anxiety and honestly, I just no longer care about food.

For so long I spent countless hours thinking about my meals, counting calories, should I eat this, should I not eat that, so on and so forth. I honestly, just don’t care anymore. I eat what I want, “healthy” or not, and I don’t give it a second thought. I don’t have to eat by a certain time, wait until a certain time, and I definitely don’t have a cut off time.

I just eat.

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I even have chocolate chips at 9am

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It’s pretty refreshing, let me tell you.

One sign I knew I had crossed that bump happened Saturday.

Our friends were having a going away party and typically whenever I had a social event to attend, I use to spend the whole day being anxious about timing. “Will I have time to eat dinner before I go?” “What if I get hungry there?” “Will I be tempted to snack?”   You get the picture.

But this Saturday, I didn’t even give the evening a second thought until it was time to get ready to go.

And when it came to ordering a drink, nope didn’t over think that one either.

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I had a great night with friends and honestly it wasn’t until the drive home and I looked at Matt and said “whoa. we had a normal night”. One thing Matt and I are really working on is getting back to “normal” and I feel like we’re finally doing that.

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We had another fabulous night out for a friends birthday party.

Ok seriously, have you guys ever been to a Dave and Buster’s?

Funnest. Place. Ever.

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DB

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I pretty much kicked Matt’s butt at the games.

(insert his face of frustration)

I won a lot of tickets, but not enough to get these bad boys.

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Maybe next time.

But the best part of the night again was how much Matt and I enjoyed each others company, had fun with each other, played with each other.

Again, at the end of the night when it hit me…so refreshing.

I’m just so happy.

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However with this happiness, there comes a sadness. With the welcome of my new healthy life, comes goodbyes to other parts of my life.

Which I will share with you later.

Because today is all about being positive, being marvelous and just being true to you.

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Also, the winner for my Conscious Box giveaway is Giselle!!

Contact me at debbie(at)accidentlydelish(dot)com with your shipping information and I’ll send it on over for you!